


We Think Happy is Expensive

by MatchaMochi



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, angst fluffs and smut, basically I listed each and every one of shiro's characteristics and dissected them, i guess, mentions of past canon pairings, shirocentric, vignettes and feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:01:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23245201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatchaMochi/pseuds/MatchaMochi
Summary: 'It’s only when his mother mutters unhappily at his face did he felt the sting above his nose. He wipes at it and his hand comes out crimson. He never tries to take the fruit again. He’s the oldest, he has responsibilities here, on the ground.'-(Late but Happy Bday handsome! What's really going on in Shiro's head anyway-)
Relationships: Lance/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 50





	We Think Happy is Expensive

**Author's Note:**

> This is so late, but I told myself that I was gonna write this sooner or later and since the movement control order, I finally had time for this. I had AmPm's Is This a Game and ZICO's Any Song on repeat for some reason while writing this....hope you like it :3

_The power to drag out the guilt,_

_The view of the water ripples,_

_And the love that seeks a reward—_

_I scratched away all of these traces_

_Nobody will notice_

_My faltering back-and-forth steps_

_Even if there is a place for me to return to—_

_-LEO [Eve]-_

He’s not sure if anyone else knows this but, he gets his scar when he was six and his sisters were a year or two younger than him. They were on a trip to a valley where his family had always wanted to visit. He loved how the trees would sway, marking shadows on his skin. He remembers having that urge to climb up to one of the trees and touch one of the persimmons hanging, shining and orange.

His siblings could handle themselves, their parents were out but surely they wouldn’t stray too far.

The grass fields stretch far and wide, nothing would be amiss. He pulls on a branch, grunting with effort, tries to tiptoe on his short legs, reaching out for the fruit.

_“Oniichan!”_

He snatches his hand back just in time to see his sister tumbling down one of the steep inclines. He doesn’t stop to think about it, runs up to her and pulls her to him as they tumbled down. They get scratches on their arms from the stray branch, their clothes are tattered and dirty by the time they stopped falling. Some of the rocks were particularly sharp, his sister wails with the blood flowing down her arm, whimpers as he tries to soothe her and as he calls for his other sister to get their parents.

It’s only when his mother mutters unhappily at his face did he felt the sting above his nose. He wipes at it and his hand comes out crimson. He never tries to take the fruit again. He’s the oldest, he has responsibilities here, on the ground.

-

-

He’s a natural-born leader, everyone says. He’s grateful for his position and he knows he’s earned it but it's not really that surprising. He takes the Keberos mission, takes Keith in too because he reminds Shiro so much of his wild sister and he thinks, _‘Why not?’_ He has the potential and if this sickness takes him he would leave with the knowledge that he’d made someone more than they were right now.

He- He’s the leader so he takes the Kerberos mission but Adam doesn’t like that. They fight, and they throw words that he wished he could take back. They come back together but he knows it wouldn’t be the same. He doesn’t let it go, naturally. So what if some things burn to the ground? He can’t let this chance go.

He’s the leader but……he likes to not be, sometimes.

It’s hazy but he remembers a night at the Garrison, where he felt like he needed to go outside for a while. Where his thoughts were too crowded for the rooms inside, where he felt relief when he sees the dark sky and stars sprawled outside. It’s faint, but he hears a distant melody in the wind. A strumming of a guitar, someone’s soothing voice shaped in a soft lullaby. He lets out a slow breath, then a second. His hands unclench, his heart steadies.

-

-

‘ _Oh, it’s fine. It’s Shiro. He’ll understand._ ’

-

It’s easy to be gentle, despite everything that has happened to him. Because even after his imprisonment, after his arm turned into a weapon, after the nightmares and flashbacks, in the end, everyone turns to him to talk to. Kindness is second nature to him; he knows when to soothe and when to stay silent. He gives Keith his confidence, Pidge his empathy, and the others his firm hand, a smile telling them that he’s _there_ if they wanted a shoulder to lean on. Gentle.

At times he-

He does not feel like that at all, with Lance.

-

He can’t pretend he’s never had these thoughts before. He was never that innocent as a teenager, no matter how strait-laced he may seem. He feels guilt crawling at the back of his head, a tiny part of him saying ‘ _It’s wrong, aren’t you supposed to be gentle?_ ’ But it’s _there_ every time they practice.

He finds himself eyeing the little bruises on Lance’s skin a tad too long, his jaw tightens when he sees sweat trailing down Lance’s back. He imagines; pressing his fingers hard enough Lance would feel it the next day, stroking the slope of Lance’s spine, hearing the small pants in his ear-

He should stop, _stop,_ but his thoughts are violent, amped up in intensity and he tries his best to tamp it down as hard as he can whenever Lance looks at him with his sharp eyes and tilted mouth.

-

-

Shiro certainly spares no time fooling around, he eats what’s given to him, does what he should, sleep when he can (when his nightmares don’t wake him up, cold sweat on his back, gasping in an empty room). He’s serious and straightforward and he makes sure everyone knows that.

He doesn’t have time for…….games…….or beauty routines……or whatever it is that Lance is doing- What _is_ he doing anyway?

“Shiro?”

Shiro is staring at Lance who is staring back at him. It gets awkward for a moment, standing outside Lance’s room like that. Oddly, it’s the fluffy slippers that hit him first, then it’s the increasing beat of Nicki Minaj blasting somewhere from the caverns of his room, and the obvious clay mask on his face, to the tiny little hair ties on his head.

“Uh,” very eloquent Shiro, “Um, I.” What is it did he wanted to ask about again?

Apparently, they forgot what he wanted too because suddenly Hunks voice is pulling him in, then Pidge is bounding in complaining about late invitations, dragging Allura with her. He finds himself dumped on the bed together with Keith who mumbles a “Yo, and before you ask, yes they forced me into this _,_ ” while he lets Lance attack his face with a gradient of glittery eyeshadow he’s never seen before.

An hour and ten replays of Carly Rae Jepsenlater, they all have the same clay masks on their face, hands carefully laid out so they wouldn’t stain their nail polish. He’s staring at Lance explaining, very seriously, about the type of skin and face masks that were suitable for them to Allura who’s nodding at him thoughtfully while Keith and Pidge try to interject when he goes in a tangent on the price of moisturises, waving his hands away from Hunk who’s trying to touch up his nails. “ _Yes,_ Lance capitalism is real and so is the health of your skin now stop _moving-_ ” And, and Shiro lays back down on the bed, closes his eyes. Hums.

He thinks: He can take things lightly. For once.

-

-

He doesn’t notice it at first, but Lance always looks like he’d won something when he hears Shiro laugh. It’s not like he rarely does it, but he’d smirk at him when he cracks out a new joke, gives out a wide grin when Shiro laughs in exasperation. Laughs with him too, outright howling with it when Shiro is quiet and flushed, embarrassed with something Lance had said.

He doesn’t know if this- Infatuation? Secret obsession? With Lance began but he knows it’ll never go anywhere. He should stop.

It’s that fruit high over his head all over again; he can’t take it. He doesn’t have the right to. He has duties right here and he should never forget that.

-

There’s another quite night though after they’ve visited a planet, not unlike the space mall they’ve gone to. He finds it sitting outside his room with a note from Lance, his crude drawing beside it telling him that he’d seen Shiro staring at it for a while. He sucks on the candy, rolling it on his tongue while he’s laying out plans for tomorrow. Persimmon and so, so sweet. He wonders if he could bite on something else sweeter.

-

-

Shiro can’t pretend that he does not remember what he did. He could argue all he wants about the difference between him and his clone but in the end, they both wanted the same thing. He remembers……giving in.

Remembers being too harsh to be justifiable, being confused and happy, being angry and too stern because he couldn’t scratch the itch at the back of his head no matter how hard he tries to think about it, something just wasn’t _right_. He recalls, thinking, ‘ _Just this once. Just a taste._ ’

Lance had been so close, his breath fanning over his cheeks. The room was dark and quiet, his face worried, his hand a soothing pressure on his shoulder. It was just too easy to pull him in for a kiss. He didn’t hold back, Shiro grabs the back of his head and kisses Lance like he’s dying for air. Lance had gasped in surprise at first, but then he moaned and Shiro remembers feeling something snap inside him.

He says, “ _I- I want to-_ ” and Lance says, “ _Okay,_ ” and then they’re inside his room, naked and panting and he doesn’t think he can ever forget the small whimpers he pulls out of Lance, the choked moans whenever he pushes a little too deep, bites and licks his ears a little too rough. His sweat-slicked skin under the lowlights, the way he says, ‘ _Shiro-_ ’ and ‘ _Please,_ ’ like a quiet admission. Like their own little secret.

-

They don’t mention it after his hair turned grey and he almost dies. He wouldn’t have had the chance to anyway since Lance pretends they haven’t fucked and looks at him like it pained him every time he sees Shiro.

It’s fine. This is how it should be, they were never meant to last. He doesn’t want to cry, or shout. Scream, or yell at anyone who’d listen. It’s inappropriate, not like him to blow something like this out of proportion. As a leader, as someone gentle, serious, and calm, he could talk it over with Lance but he should know better than hope it could’ve been something different.

Every time Lance smiles up at him though, or when their hands brushed together, or when he sees sharp blues spying at him, he yearns and thinks, ‘ _I wish, I wish-_ ’

-

-

He never really stops, and it never really goes away. A bit similar to his phantom limb but after they’ve arrived on earth, he still has that feeling stuck in his chest. And his heart beats faster, thumps harder when he looks at Lance.

He gets a new arm, a bigger room, and predictably, a new position. He tests the floating thing for a while in his room and remembers the exact texture of Lance’s fingers when they first shook hands; slender and calloused. Lance works hard despite acting like he doesn’t need any effort.

Shiro had felt insecure once, about his Galran arm. Had felt like he had no real control of his body because he never asked for this. His new arm had made him feel relieved like he gained just a bit of his freedom.

Sometimes, he’d see Lance having that same face he’d wear when anyone asked him about his Galran arm, and he wishes he could take it away. With a soft kiss or a few tender words in his ear, a touch of his warm skin, or gentle pressure on his shoulder. Nothing is ever that easy though, Lance has to build his way up only when he’s ready. But Shiro only wanted to be the one who’d hold him through it.

-

-

It’s alright…..Shiro can wait. He’s patient with people (Slav being an exception), and really, Earth needs time to rebuild, his love interests have no part in this whatsoever. The universe spins around, life goes on, and Shiro goes in an out of relationships.

Shiro visits Lance’s farm now too, once in a while. Throws excuses upon excuses just to see him and he feels warm all over every time Lance smiles and pouts at him, telling Shiro that he’s disrupting his work but letting Shiro join him anyway. He doesn’t go there every day but its near thing. He stops for a while when he started seeing Curtis.

It’s nice. Peaceful and right, Curtis and he has an understanding and it wasn’t that hard to like him. A month in though, and Curtis is looking at him with a soft smile and a softer farewell. Shiro gets dumped in the restaurant they had their first date in as Curtis pinches his cheeks fondly and says, hushed, “ _Being patient is good, but there should always be a limit you know?_ ”

Shiro is stumped. He doesn’t get what Curtis is getting at all.

He spends two days working before giving in and heading to Lance farm. He tells Lance that he has a day off, tells Lance that he was curious about the small sessions Lance has with the local children and wanted to see how it goes. Lance seems puzzled at first, but he accepts it. Talks and jokes, even break out the wine with Shiro and chatter on about everything and nothing. Shiro lets his lilted voice wash over him like the sun on his skin, the pleasant breeze in his hair. He wished he’d always have this.

-

-

-

He still has responsibilities to attend to. Planets, plans, and projects to oversee. It’s so unlike him to want like this; to be selfish, distracted, so focused on what Lance was doing right now, what he’ll be doing the next time they meet. He finds himself daydreaming in meetings about the latest story Lance was telling him about, the way Lance feels like, warm heat at his arm, loud voice reverberating through every space he goes to.

And when he comes back again, he finds that this is another thing he wasn’t used to. To get so, so _angry_ at something trivial at best. But Lance is shaking his head, mouth twisted in dismay. He’s saying, “Stop coming here.” And his eyes are pleading but Shiro can see the way his hands tremble, the way his eyes stray to the spaceship he brings with him, so he says,

“Why?” _When you have taken everything from me? When I know this isn’t what you wanted? When you’ve changed me so much all I ever want is to be the person when I’m with you?_

But Shiro never wanted this: Lance anguished tears, trailing down the glowing marks on his cheeks, his clenched fist, his hoarse voice.

“Because I want-” his voice breaks, he scrubs his face roughly, his sleeves coming out wet, “I’m tired of seeing you leave Shiro.” He takes a breath, shuddering, “People like you would always stay and make me _want_ but I know all of you deserved something better.”

The sky was blue, that one time he got his scar. He remembers the warm breeze, the bright orange fruit hanging all over the branches. Shiro only needs to reach out and grab it. He’s tired of being what everyone wanted him to be.

“So leave with me.”

He takes Lance's hands in his and whispers in a plea, “I’ve been waiting for so long, if you go with me I’ll show you that you deserve _everything-_ ” Lance is shaking his head, but he’s squeezing Shiro’s hand back so Shiro leans in closer and kisses the spot under his ear, where he knows makes Lance shiver, close his eyes. “You must know Lance, I. I-”

Lance kisses him back, lips pushing urgently on his before he could finish. Shiro blinks in surprise but then he cups Lances face and kisses harder, biting and wet. They stumble back into the farm, to the kitchen, sucking marks on skin, gasping, as they almost trip into the bedroom.

It takes the night and the next morning, but Lance is sleep-warm and grinning when he trails whispers down Shiro’s chest and says, quietly, like a secret, “ _Yes._ ” Shiro flips them over, making Lance squeal, bites the soft skin of his belly, his cheeks, the slope of his ear. And his heart skips happily with it, sweet and trickling down his body like persimmons on a sunny day.

_-FIN-_

**Author's Note:**

> Been craving persimmons lately for some reason.....anyway! Eve's [LEO](https://youtu.be/J3K3V36mlLM) really inspired me on some parts and the title is from Lauv's Invisible Things haha, other than that...Thnks for reading! Take care of ur hygiene! Practice social distancing! Stay safe and till the next lance ship...gnight!
> 
> I have a [twitter](https://twitter.com/crazydurians)! and check out my other [fics](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MatchaMochi/works) too! 
> 
> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated!


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